“Hi, my name is Jeni and I took out too much student loan debt.”
“Hi Jeni.”
The end of the year always brings me to a state of reflection and goal setting. It’s a predictable, scheduled chunk of time where I look back at what I’ve done and dream of the future I could create.
Part of that reflection and dreaming involves goal-setting. My strategy for goal setting involves writing down a list of smart goals in five major categories; health, finance, relationships, career, and philanthropy.
As I was reflecting on my financial goals, I saw my unmet student loan repayment goal staring back at me. < $80,000. It’s a clear goal. There’s no disputing that I didn’t meet it. My loan balance at the end of 2017 was $85,782… definitately NOT < $80,000 no matter how you slice it.
At first I was OK with it. I mean, I had set an incredibly ambitiouis goal that meant I need to pay off over $30,000 in principal. I went on amazing 16 day road trip adventure to Alaska and I self-published my second book and I still had knocked down over $25,000 in principal. I felt like my money had served me well in 2016.
But then one day, I didn’t feel so good about it.
I started to think about the few times I took out more debt then I needed to pay for tuition. Like the time I unexpectedly lost my health-insurance coverage and had to scramble to set up and pay for the health insurance through the university. Then the time I got really sick and ended up needing 5 procedures and a couple days in the hospital to fix it. That one really hurt because it spanned the end of one calendar year and the beginning of the next. So I had to come up with about $5,000 to cover both years deductibles.
So each time these financial emergencies occurred I had to get back some of the loan money I had returned at the beginning of the semester. To meet the insurance deductibles I took back the $10,000 I had returned after earning a $10,000 scholarship for my GPA.
In total I would say I borrowed around $12,000-$15,000 more than I needed for tuition and books. And I feel guilty about it. My debt would be easier to repay if I hadn’t taken that money. Some of the struggle I face is my own fault.
And the weirdest thing is, it doesn’t matter that I worked two jobs, as many hours as possible. Or that I worked full-time on every break (Thanksgiving, Winter, Spring, Summer) instead of resting or traveling. I blame myself for not knowing how to manage money and emergencies better. In short, I blame myself for not working hard enough and being smart enough to have less debt.
I justify my mistakes as learning experiences and part of college. But justification doesn’t eliminate the nagging in the back of my mind that somehow I should have known better.
But how?
How could I have known better? I was a teenager and young twenty-something. How could I have possibly had knowledge from an experience I hadn’t lived through yet?
I couldn’t.
So here lies the conundrum my fellow borrowers. You can’t know what you haven’t learned. Don’t fault your younger college self for your financial missteps. Don’t carry that guilt with you into your repayment.
Many members of society will tell you that it’s your own fault you have so much student loan debt. And while you are the one responsible for taking out and now repaying all that debt, there were many factors outside your control that contributed to your total debt. Things like your family’s socioeconomic status, year after year tuition hikes, high interest rates, lack of financial guidance, and a lack of financial experience.
So my fellow borrwers, let go of the things that were out of your control and forgive yourself for the mistakes you made.
Forgive yourself for having student loan debt.
Student loan repayment isn’t some punishment you must endure powerlessly, or something shameful to suffer alone. There is help to guide you to your best repayment strategy and encouragement to create the change necessary to change the story for future generations.
Repayable is your guide to the best strategies for repayment based on your specific financial picture. It’s a source of ideas and practical ways you can advocate for change, and it’s a manifesto for borrowers. You can find it now on Amazon.
Do you ever feel guilty about your student loan debt? Share your thoughts in the comments below or on the Repayable Facebook Page.
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